Motherhood: A Raw Experience

I was about to bathe my baby. I took off my clothes so it will not get wet as I had it days before. I finished bathing my baby and as usual, not sure what he wanted, he could just cry it out loud. I soothed him down and managed to put him asleep. Thanks God I said in my heart, another 2-3 hours break before the next feeding time.

I sat alone on my bed. I just sat and took a bit of rest before I could remember where I put my clothes before. I put cream on my slightly sore nipples and let it dry, topless. I felt that rawness feeling of myself. I was stripped off. It has started since the delivery itself, where a bunch of people looked at my vagina, and now when I am nursing my baby. It is probably the same rawness as what has been done to Him who was hung naked on the cross. Tears just fell down straight away. I’ve got to feel what He felt, being stripped off and carried the cross along the way to Golgotha.

In my solitude after the baby had fallen asleep, I came to prayer. I imagined Him standing in front of the crying Monica, also naked and raw. I’ve got the chance to feel His rawness of hung naked on the cross. There was no shame feeling or sadness or anger or regret. I just felt completely raw, totally open and vulnerable. For a moment, He was just there looking at me. Then the Lord asked me what I want to offer this up for. My answer was for my parents, who probably had been stripped off too before, that they may be healthy and well, so they got to see my boy and see me in another form of woman now, a Mum.

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